Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The Secret To A Successful Relationship - Part 2

Transforming Relationships From A Crisis Situation, Into A Loving and Long Lasting Success. 

Part 2 

Continuing; 7 Winning Tips to improve your relationship

Tip # 1;
A) initiate a conversation with your husband so that you can express your feelings and what ails you. Not to complain; "You don't  ... you're not..  but rather begin every sentence with; "I feel ....

B) Don't suppress emotions. If you do not talk about your feelings, in the end, you'll explode and say or do things you may regret. Anger does not diminish the measure of love, it's ok to be angry with those you love. In fact, we get hurt the most from those we love, because we care for them the most. 

Tip # 2;
Create a process to solve problems without being angry. Each partner takes five minutes to express their feelings. Take a break of 15-20 minutes to contemplate the others position and how each can best deal with the problem. Then come back to the table for another ten minutes to discuss things, knowing that it is alright if the problem isn't resolved immediately.

Tip # 3;
Do not hoard anger. When your partner comes to talk to you about something that's bothering him, do not use this time as an opportunity to raise issues from the past and use them against his claim. Instead, deal with the issues he raises, and if you have unresolved feelings from problems in the past, talk about them another time.

Tip # 4;
Do not allow yourself to be dragged into arguments. Remember, negative attention is still attention. If your spouse is trying to drag you into an argument, choose consciously not to go there. People like to argue because it gives them a temporary feeling of strength and satisfaction. Avoid being sucked into their need for attention.

Tip # 5;
Make your spouse a king. Give up the need to control. Give him respect and show him that his opinion is important. Be sensitive to your partner's desires.
Always check with him; Is it okay if we go to David and Michelle tonight? What do you think about ...?

Tip # 6: Even when he makes a mistake, behaves disrespectfully or is insensitive, do not be tempted to react on impulse. Nothing good can come out of that.

A peaceful household is the bearer for abundance and blessing. Let this be your motto.

Tip # 7;
If you are not satisfied with the existing reality, decide to do things differently. You can always change your strategy.

Albert Einstein said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result." 
Understand that change must come from you.

Much love 
Estee 💟

Monday, February 27, 2017

The Secret To A Successful Relationship - Part 1

Transforming Relationships From A Crisis Situation, Into A Loving and Long Lasting Success. 

Part 1

Do you find that your relationship status is not particularly bright? Do you feel that you have reached a dead end in marriage because the partnership has ceased? Do you feel lonely and unhappy... Do these feelings sound familiar?

Do you find yourself blaming your partner for what is happening in your relationship?

As long as you remain in the blame/complain mode, you'll stay stuck in place, as you continue to waste precious energy unproductively. If you want to move forward and achieve a better quality of life, you must look at things from a different angle; from an unfamiliar point of view. It may not be easy, but there is no other choice. It is the only way to gain clarity of mind so you can reconsider and act appropriately.

"When we can not change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

Truth: It is rare to find a pair that does not run into some bumps along the road during the marriage, we all have ups and downs. This is normal.

Truth: As long as you want (everything starts with a desire) to improve the situation before it is too late, there is still hope! Think about what you could gain along the way ...

"Change your perspective and transcend beyond life's imperfections."

Acknowledge your situation, understand the limitations, do what's in your power to make improvements and proceed forward.

Once you recognize and understand the source of the problems in the relationship, you'll be able to handle them more effectively, ultimately decreasing their frequency. 

When we enter a relationship we do not always have enough understanding of what to do together and how to behave towards each other, in order to build a loving, supportive relationship. 

We tend to "operate automatically", according to what we have absorbed from the environment and based on what we've learned from our parents. The problem is that what we've learned from our parents and grandparents, is not necessarily a winning recipe for creating the successful relationship we have always dreamed of. 

Each one of us enters the relationship dynamic with his/her emotional freight, expectations, values ​​and belief system which are often unmatched to that of our significant other. It is no surprise that when the honeymoon phase comes to an end, problems begin to emerge.

However, when a couple has a basic understanding of the personality structure of one another, as well as what they want to achieve together as a couple, there is no power on earth that can separate them.

The most well known couple dated back in history is Adam and Eve.
We can learn a lot from this biblical story; Adam complained to the Creator, having experienced Eve's seducing and urging to eat from the fruits of the tree of knowledge; "The woman you put here with me--she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

What we learn from this, is that we tend to blame one another for what's broken in the relationship, rather than examining what our responsibility is, in addition to how we improve the situation.

First, you must identify what your true desire is. If you want to improve the situation and build a relationship where you can grow together, love, and support each other, that in itself is a wonderful start.

Secondly, make a list of what you want to receive and what you're willing to give to the relationship. Identify the existing limitations, your ability to take action, and actively work in favor of upgrading relations.

As long as you and your spouse have a common desire to improve, there is more that can be done. 

For example, Naomi becomes hurt and angry when she feels that her husband does not give her his full attention. She claims that he is never fully present and is constantly troubled by innumerable issues. She doesn't communicate to him what's really bothering her and as a result, ends up feeling beaten down and frustrated. 

What is preventing her from having an open and honest conversation with her husband? The culprit is often the ego.
"Why do I have to tell him that he does not give me enough attention? He needs to figure this out on his own!"

Let me ask you a question, do you think your man is a mind reader? Well, he's not!
In his understanding, he may be giving you more than enough. This is when trouble begins. Lack of communication.

To be Continued ... 

Much love 
Estee 💟